All Things Idiotic

Sorry I'm Late...Did I miss Anything??

2006-10-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

So since our last post is August, it seems much has changed in the sports world. To recap a few: Ohio State is 7-0 and looking tough. The Browns are 1-4 and, well, look like thr Browns usually do(a buch of shitdicks). The Indians, after a classic dick tease last year, turned out to be the ugly, fat woman you took home from the bar against the advice of your wingman. A NCAA punter went OZ on his teammate and shanked him in the leg. Am i missing somehting...oh yeah

TO (tried to) KILL HIMSELF. WOW.

Oh wait he just had an allergic reaction to painkillers with some supplement he was taking. Well this goes to Mr TO as well as his Exorcist looking publicist. I too would have an allergic reaction if i took 24 vicodins in one night. You know what doctors call that allergic reaction? It called a suicide attempt you no class having fuck. Im sorry, its just that I really really REALLY hate TO. All athletes like TO:the selfish, world revoles around me, why arent you talking about me I better fake a suicide attempt guys out there. They represnet the very worst, and I really wish that more outrage would come from these assholes.

Man I had to get that out, feels good to be back, and I will try to get on here more reguarly. Im even gonna get RyGuy to tell you how he REALLY feels about his MSU Spartans. So keep tuned because I really wanna post something about ND and how I think rudy was a man loving whore.

Oh, and Troy Smith will win the Heisman and Brady Quinn will get caught 69ing Jeff Icantspellhislastname.

The True Story of Maurice Clarett

2006-08-11T22:08:00.000-05:00

So I know a guy, that knows a guy, that once drank a King Cobra with Maurice Clarett and he got the “real” scoop on what happened that Wednesday morning of August 9th, 2006. The story I tell is 100% true.

It started off as a normal morning for Maurice Clarett. He woke up and smoked his pre-packed bowl of “buckeye chronic”. After he had his delicious “Fruity Peddles” he got a surprising phone from his former college coach Jim Tressel. Tressel said he had found him a try-out with the Washington Redskins! The only problem was that the try-out had to be held in 2 hours at a sports complex right next to his community. Tressel and the Redskins would meet him there.

After the phone call with Tressel, Clarett didn’t know how to get mentally and physically prepared for the try-out. So Clarett called his closest friend “Bones” from some friendly advice.

Unfortunately for Clarett, “Bones” had been on a 36 hour coke fest and had enough snow in his nose to give “frosty the snowman” a cold. Even more strange was when “Bones” spoke he had a very confident and compassionate tone to his voice. The words that come from “Bones” mouth were both idiotic and poetic at the same time. When Clarett called he had no idea that the advice “Bones” was going to give him would change his life forever.

Clarett explained the situation to “Bones” about the try-out and asked for his advice on how to impress the coaches. “Bones” told Clarett that he was too uptight about the try-out and the first thing he should do is drink half a bottle of the finest vodka in all the land, “Grey Goose”. But “Bones” told Clarett not to drink anymore than half a bottle because, “over doing it” would be unprofessional and could be to a determent to his career. Makes sense!

The second piece of advice “Bones” gave to Clarett made the must sense of all. Before “Bones” got mixed up in drugs he studied Native American History at a local community college. He advised Clarett to present an authentic Native American hatchet at the try-out to show the Redskins the ultimate respect. Makes sense!

Next “Bones” told Clarett that he had been looking a little small. Clarett’s lack of muscle tone had been noticeable since his diminished time in the weight room. “Bones” explained to Clarett that wearing a bullet proof vest makes your boobies look built and also makes you look tough. Makes sense!

Finally “Bones” advised Clarett that you can’t truly impress a coach by showing them your speed or strength. Clarett needed to show the coaches something that could truly impress. Something that would leave a lasting impression. “Bones” educated Clarett on how mastering the skills of the video game “Duck Hunt” would surely get him a starting job on any NFL team.

Unfortunately, Clarett didn’t have the video game at his disposal. All he had was 4 guns he had been using to rob people coming out of local bars. “Bones” took one last snort to clear his mind and then persuaded Clarett to take his 4 guns to the try-out to hunt duck there. It made prefect sense to both. Why hunt computer duck when you got the real thing in your own backyard? Makes sense!

After the hour and 55 minute conversation with “Bones”, Clarett realized he might be late! So he quickly grabbed his 4 guns, bullet proof vest, hatchet, and half an empty bottle of “Grey Goose” and speed off to the try-out.

We all know how this story unfolds. But I thought we all deserved to know and learn from this sad story of circumstance.

The Nightmare that is Cleveland Sports Mascots

2006-08-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

Today is August 8th. There is no new Cavs news to write about: Drew Gooden negotiations, if they can be called that, have slowed to a halt. The Browns are in camp and don't play their first preseason game until tomorrow. All that can be said about Bently has been said. The Indians do no deserve to be mentioned for the rest of the season, Although the Oriental Express has been exciting. What is a bored sports fan to do?

Write about the horrible mascots that Cleveland teams employ, that's what.

We will go team by team, starting with the Cleveland chivalrous:
The team, until the arrival of LeBron, was a joke. Ever since they moved from the Historic (middle of no where arena with the community urinals) Richfield Coliseum to Gund Arena, they seemed to change gears in terms of uniforms from this and this classy scheme to this train wreck. And does anyone remember the Gunds 1st floor...gross.

Anyways, the Cavs during the pre-lebron years had one of the most mind boggling and confusing mascot in recent memory. Whammer, the white polar bear with sunglasses. I really don't know what to fucking say. How does the name "Cavalier" translate to a white polar bear with sun glasses. Maybe if we were in oh I don't know, Alaska, would this work. Maybe. Why can't we have a mascot like the Virginia Cavaliers.

It just doesn't make sense. We are the Cavaliers, so are they why is there such a difference? I understand they probably had it first, but its not like this is the first time 2 separate teams had the same nickname and used a similar mascot. They have made a change however. I am sure all you are aware of the new guy "Moondog" and while he still makes 0 sense to have a dunking, behind the back half court shooting dog as the Cavs mascot. It is leaps and bounds better than Whammer. Maybe one day they will adapt some sort of Cavaliers to be the mascot of the Cavaliers. Would make just too much sense. Usher needs something to do...develop a new mascot.

Onward to the Cleveland Browns. Since the Browns return to the NFL in 1999, they have employed 4 separate dogs: Chomps, TD, Trapper, and not to be left out CB to patrol the ends of the stadium. Weak. I am just not satisfied. I understand that the team has a moniker or the Dawgs, with the Dawg Pound and all, so I can see where these guys are justified. I mean, every game has people dressed with dog bones, masks etc. So I wouldn't necessarily put them under the title of "Horrible Cleveland Mascot" but I guess the absence of Browns Cheerleaders makes me mention them. I mean, I like girls in shorts shirts in the winter dancing. Get to it MBNA! Boobs are great.

Now, The Cleveland Indians.
Slider. The big pink dildo with herpes. Love this guy. You know I was actually at the game where that douche bag was dancing on the outfield wall, tripped and fell. Didn't that ass bag tear his MCL or something. What a douche. Anyho, this guy is clearly the worst current Cleveland mascot. Am I the only one that hates it when he does that grab his stomach and roll it around routine. How 'bout a new routine once and a while? Also, how big of a dork/ lonely child do you have to be to get an autograph from a mascot?? Seriously if this is a kid and he is male, his balls were just ripped out,Whenever he is on the field with his hot dog bazooka I wanna grab it, and stick it up his ass. And as a side note, who are you people that would eat a hotdog that was used as a projectile? I mean this is almost 100% guaranteed to be cold, not to mention some child molester dressed in a pink furry costume had his Hep-B hands all over that meat. No way Jose. The Indians need a new mascot, I know that chief Wahoo is offensive, but imangine how awesome it would be if we just ripped off FSU and did the Indian chief ride onto the field on a white horse and stick a flaming spear into the ground in front of the visitor dugout. Beyond cool, and it would have those pussies from Detroit running to their fat wives.

Please Cleveland front office, we have suffered by the likes of Whammer, Moondog, and that asshole Slider. You know what to do...

Slow days around here...its taken me a couple days to post this, work and rekindled obsession to Halo didn't help either. I guess Clarett got arrested with 3 guns 1 assault rifle, a hatchet, a half empty bottle of Gray Goose, and a CD of children songs sung by Ohio prison inmates....

Don't know where to start....brain overload...Clarett....post coming.

Why Shawn Kemp Is Cooler Than You

2006-08-02T19:35:00.000-05:00

1.) Shawn Kemp has planted his seed more than Johnny Appleseed around this country.

2.) Shawn Kemp doesn’t do drugs, drugs do Shawn Kemp.

3.) Shawn Kemp can be drug free for 2 years while at the same time only be drug free for 25 minutes.

4.) Shawn Kemp can have a article written about his probable NBA return one day and have an article written two days later about his probable return to the Betty Ford Clinic.

5.) Shawn Kemp doesn’t have kids. Shawn Kemp just has reminders of women he has banged.

6.) Shawn Kemp never rolls without at least an ounce of the chronic. So the 3 grams of weed the police found in the back of Shawn Kemp's truck couldn’t have been Shawn Kemp’s. Shawn Kemp don’t do amateur.

For the Buckeyes This Year, It's All About the Offense

2006-08-01T19:25:00.000-05:00

Big 10 media day is underway in Chicago, and guess who was named the preseason number 1? That's right, the Scarlet and Gray...THE Ohio State University. The Buckeyes are looking to improve from their successful season last year where they went 10-2 and finished out by throttling the Domers in "Columbus West", Tempe, Arizona. It can be argued that last years success was due to their outstanding defense, and namely their linebacker corps. Hawk, Carpenter, Schlegel. Those 3 names made offense coordinators tremble and running games turned to a non factor. Not to mention some of their secondary all starts, Whitner and Youbouty, this team was ferorcious on the defensive side of the ball.

Not to mention that offense.

Troy Smith was the Big 10 conference leader in terms of passer rating. He finished with 2, 282 yards with 16 touchdowns. He made a name for himself with stellar games against the hated "Team up North" and against ND in the Fiesta Bowl. Smith is a enigma for defense coordinators because of his ability to throw it down field, or tuck it and run. It almost seemed he threw for most of those yards against Michigan and ND. Returning on offense is the talented receiver tandem of Ted Ginn and Anthony Gonzalez. Ginn is a speed and athletic freak, who is a danger to break a huge play from anywhere and at anytime. Gonzalez is a sure handed receiver who has already found a knack for making huge plays...Anyone remember that catch he made at the end of the Michigan game? Not to mention their rushing attack of Antonio Pittman (1,331 yards 7TD) and incoming super frosh Chris Wells. Looks like the "O" in the Buckeyes logo will finially stand for "Offense"

Now, they are missing some starters on D. This should not be overlooked, and some of their key positions, especially LB are being reloaded by players with little big game experience. But if anyone can prepare its players, its Tress. Look for the Defense to gel by the Texas game on the 9th, and for them to continue to build and strengthen by mid-season. Whatever shortcomings or speedbumps the defense might encounter they will be bailed out by Troy Smith and Co.

Another Big 10 championship should be a realistic goal, as should a date at the Buckeyes favorite out of state destination, Tempe in January. I mean the National Championship is at the Fiesta Bowl, again. Sounds like 2003 all over again.

Can you blame Carmona?

2006-08-01T08:44:00.000-05:00

Rookie pitcher Fausto Carmona attempted his first save situation since replacing Bob Wickman last night when he entered the ninth with an 8-6 lead against the Boston Red Sox’s. Alex Cora singled into left field to start the ninth and Carmona walked Kevin Youkilis before retiring Mark Loretta.

BUT then Big Papi stepped into the batters box! With Papi’s history of clutch walk-off homeruns Carmona must have been crapping his pants. What a situation for a 22 year old rookie closer to be in. In his very first attempt at a save in the majors he goes against arguably the best clutch batter of all-time at Fenway Park with all 35,000 Red Sox fans in full force. You could obviously see that Carmona was shaken by the whole situation. But who won’t be? With Carmona’s first pitch to Papi he threw a 100 mph ball. That was his fastest pitch of the night and it was a tell-tale-sign that he understood who he was facing and the history behind it. With his second pitch to Papi he throws a surprising 97 mph ball. The third and final pitch of the night was the first fastball Papi saw over the strike zone. Ka Boom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man oh man did I smile and laugh when I saw that baby go out. My favorite part was when ESPN showed replays of the homerun and you got to see Carmona’s reaction. He quickly turns around, notices where the ball is heading and grits his teeth in absolute horror. Welcome to the Big’s Carmona! But I don’t blame him. For a 22 year old rookie closer in his every first save attempt against arguably the clutches player of all time I think this experience will be more beneficial then detrimental. Carmona couldn’t have been put into a tougher situation and from this he will grown.

After the game an ESPN reporter interviewed Papi and noted to him that the fans were chanting “MVP MVP” and Papi simply responded with “I like it". It was a very genuine response and a great end to a hilarious night of Cleveland Indians baseball.

Ry Guy

Kenny Roda – Love or Hate?

2006-07-31T17:38:00.000-05:00

I’m a big Cleveland sports fan and at appropriate times in my day I like to check out local newspapers, radio stations, blogs, and forums for the absolute latest. I usually get out of work around 5pm every weekday and my only constant access to Cleveland sports news on the ride home is radio station WKNR 850 and Kenny Roda.

I’m not a huge hater of Roda but I’m not a real fan either. I mean the man is a BIG Steelers fan and you could definitely hear the joy in his voice when Pittsburgh was fighting through the playoffs. But that’s okay with me. I’m open to subjective opinions.

What I really can’t stand is WKNR’s vast commercial advertisements during my ride home. I’ll be lucky to hear 10 minutes of actual sports talk on my 30 minute drive home. I understand for marketing purposes that is probably peak hours from a ROI stand point on advertisements but as a consumer it’s discouraging. I can only listen to so many erectile dysfunction advertisements till I myself am placid. And fuck “Lady of the Waste Side” and the “Hail Sale” advertisements while I’m at it.

Sorry. Just got home from work and needed to vent my frustrations!

Ry Guy

So I Actually Watched Some of the World Series of Darts

2006-07-25T18:45:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching some of the WSOD and I can finally comment on how lame this thing really is. The "stars" of this sport are a nerdier, lamer, more pathetic version of a professional bowler. Look up complete fucking loser in the dictionary, and this guys picture will come up. I guess he is America's best chance of winning the WSOD. Whatever, he actually cried during his bio because he has "so much love for the game". He also has a small private garbage man job on the side, and oh yeah..he is hoping to make it as a singer because he sings karaoke at some shitty bar wherever the hell he is from. And the best part he was serious about it all.

Ugh..

So anyways, lets get into some of the details of the actual event. First off I assumed they would be playing Cricket, the game most of us play at bars and basements around the country. Instead they are playing this weird ass game where the first to 0 points wins. And also 180 (triple 20 3x) is a HUGE DEAL. After each throw, some really REALLY annoying "British" announcer screams the score to the "crowd". Picture this is a horrible British accent.."180!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or "93!!!!!!!"

Here is the worst part, the play by play guys. One is presumably an American guy, who makes off color remarks, and is generally mild mannered. Then there is the other British guy (honestly what is with that island and darts???) Anyways this guy likes to scream. He is the English Steven A Smith. Only with SAS you could argue that he screams so much so he can stay relevant because we all know his show sucks shit. This British wanker (because you know he is British) is trying to make a name, but the only name I could think of was "chump". So look what this master linguist just spit out... "Fill up you boots...he found his boots alright" I swear to fucking god, imangine he said that at full SAS rant scream. I need an explanation on what that means. I have to be honest this is teetering on completely unwatachable.

So that's pretty much it, players go back and forth in what they call "legs" until someone wins by some margin. I would tell you what that margin is but to be honest, the channel has been changed to Law and Order on TNT (it is on all the time). ESPN really has fallen on tough times, not only has Mobile ESPN completely tanked (thanks Deadspin), but now this.

How is Berman gonna pick up leather wrapped skanks in Middle America with this kind of rep.

*Oh and the American just won and is the only Red White and Bluer in the second round, like you gave a shit. Because some cannuck blew it on "double 16". Lame.

Jacob Field Stories

2006-07-24T15:54:00.000-05:00

I went to the tribe game yesterday with Twa and some lady friends. It was surprisingly the first time I have gone to a tribe game without a single sip of booze in years. More often drinking excessively and watching less of the game. But this brings me to Jacob Field stories. The excessive drinking really started when they put that damn “Batter's Eye Bar” in right field.

1. Earlier this year there was a free promotional flash light that was given out at the gate. Well of course we abused that fine gift and drank beers out of them. Yeah, the beer had a hint of copper taste but after a couple of beers and shots you couldn’t even taste it.

2. Last year around the 7th inning Twa pleaded with a Cincinnati fan sitting at the bar to hand feed him her food. I think she was eating a delicious chicken ceaser salad and once Twa was feed by the girl I asked him how it tasted. “It tasted like I was a greek god eating off the very hand of Zeus himself.”

3. A couple of years ago we stayed at the bar too long and didn’t get a chance to purchase tickets before hand. The ticket office was closed and no new fans were aloud in. Luckily I had a plan to get in. I asked a couple to give me their tickets once they left the stadium and then I would just tell the ticket collectors that I had to get something out of my car. No one was buying it. So I started to lecture the ticket collectors that this would have never had happened in ’95. Then I repeatedly started to walk around the stadium trying to get in with a used ticket while yelling, “Tribe alive in ‘95”. After about the 5th gate attempt I was warned that if I say “tribe alive in ‘95” again or try to use my “invalid” ticket I’d be put into the Cleveland Indians jail cell. So that is the end of that story

To be continued……………………..

Well This Guy is Pretty Much A Complete Douchebag

2006-07-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

How irresponsible, lazy, and desperate for attention can you be? LeBron finally signs his extension with the Cavaliers and all seems to be calm in Cleveland. The mass hysteria that overtook the fair citizens of our humble town has evaporated. It seemed that the only complaints coming from the lakeshore were related to how horrible our "baseball team" is playing. But leave it to the Plain Dealer's own Branson Wright to do a little rumor mongering and fire us up all over again.

In case you missed the piece (and I'm sure you all have read it by now) Branson speculates that since Wade, Bosh, and The King all signed 3 year deals, they will all have an opportunity to play for the Knicks. I will let that sink in for a second. Branson thinks that the New York Knicks will have the cap space, and all three players will want to go a play at MSG. Now, I know what you are thinking, there was some base to this right? There has to be something, even a rumor or a chain e-mail, something that would make Branson report on this. Nothing, it was pure speculation, not even rumor. He cites LeBron's Nike contract and its "reported" kickers. Don't forget that the Akron Beacon Journal's own Charlie Windhorst has seen that contract and reported that the kickers are not that big of a deal. Branson Wright then noted that LeBron is friends with rapper Jay-Z, and that LeBron would jump at the chance to play with HOVA.

Noting he put in his article was new. Everyone knows LBJ and Jay-Z are friends. The Nike contract has been beaten worse than a dead Barbaro. The fact that he wrote and published this for the sole reason to stir up the Cavalier faithful, really pisses me off. Branson chooses to do some muckraking, and intentionally writes irresponsible posts, but will not write or cover anything of merit. How about some summer league coverage from Vegas and talk about the development of the newest Cavaliers, fresh from the draft? Or maybe a little Team USA and LeBron preparing for Japan? What about free agency, the Drew Gooden situation...ANYTHING.

Instead he chose the easy way out, phoned it in and wrote some garbage about some conspiracy theory that he alone believes could happen. I sware I will not read the PD sports anymore, stick to the ABJ, their beat reporters actually cover the teams in Cleveland, and offer fact based editorials. Something Branson Wright could learn from.

So Hey Branson!! You're a douchebag

The 5 Rules For Pooping At Work

2006-07-21T12:23:00.000-05:00

1.) Never poop when another co-worker is pooping.

2.) When you are in the can, and another co-worker comes in for a quick pee don’t even think about dropping bombs over Baghdad!

3.) Never come out of the shitter when the co-worker is in broad daylight. Because once they see the assailant of that awful smell it will haunt their dreams forever. The only way this can be bypassed is by coming out and making direct eye contact with the co-worker and saying, “Yeah that’s all me” and proceed to loudly smell in your own poop must.

4.) For god sakes man, always try to avoid being “bitch” in a three-way poop fest. The mixture of smell and sound is just too much for one man to bare.

5.) Always wash your hands afterwards. One slip of the hand and your walking around the office with chocolate moose on your hand.

Barbaro...Who Gives a Shit?!?!

2006-07-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

A world class athlete suffered a career ending injury today and is now fighting for his life. Hundreds of fans from around the country are showing their support to their fallen star as he fights to stay alive. If he does survive this ordeal, he will never be able to compete again, his life changed forever. Who is the athlete that has fans across the United States holding their breath as he struggles for survival? Michael Jordan...Jim Brown...Craig Ehlo? No, Barbaro the fucking horse that's who. O.K so he won the derby...by a lot. I got that...and his injury at the Preakness was gruesome. I've seen worse.

His injury stopped him from winning the second leg of the Triple Crown, and this has happened 100 times before, a horse wins the Derby, everyone starts to think this horse can win the Belmont and the Preakness, and never does. What I don't get is why Barbaro is so special? What causes "fans" read: gambling degenerates, to write him get well cards and post on a message board? I mean I'm no animal hater, but just because one might have to get put down doesn't mean that I care about him being blindfolded and suspended over some water in a kinky horse sex swing, as pictured at the top.

Here is a tip to those idiots writing him cards...he can't fucking read! Also, those on the message boards, even if he could read I don't think he has the thumbs to work a keyboard for a response, or a hand to navigate a mouse. If this happens to Barbaro, then well I guess it was meant to be.

It really doesn't matter because after he lost the Preakness, some New York scum bag was gonna kill him after Barbaro cost him and his family their mortgages.

Barbaro, I hope you die.

-Twa

USA Team Good for Lebron

2006-07-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

Some people might think that Lebron playing for the USA team is a bad thing. There are possibilities that he might injury himself or get away from personal practice and development. But I think that only good things can come from his involvement.

Lebron is a better individual player then he is a team player. Don’t get me wrong. He is in elite status in both of these categories. He is just better at one then the other. It really isn’t his fault either. He really doesn’t have a sidekick or extremely solid supporting cast. That’s why I think the USA team will be a good thing for him.

This will be the first time Lebron will play with a STRONG supporting cast for an extended period of time in his life. He was stuck at the end of the bench in the last Olympics. And I think it might be a great development tool for him. He won’t be depended on scoring 27 to 35 points a night. He will get to see another aspect of the game. Being a role player amongst a team of stars. I can only assume that his distribution of the ball and court vision will improve in these games. Along side setting up varies offensive and defensive sets he hasn’t implemented before. All these things can be used to improving the cavs next season.

The only thing I would like for Lebron to work personally on heavily this off-season is his free throws. And I’m sure he will. And I’m sure there will be a dramatic improvement.

Lebron James is getting better everyday people and we are all witnesses!

Ry Guy

Shannon Brown

2006-07-20T12:18:00.000-05:00

Before I discuss why I like the pick-up of Shannon Brown let me state that I graduated from Michigan State a year ago. I have seen him play almost every single game as a Spartan. Most people don't remember or know that Brown came in 2nd in the McDonald's All-American slam dunk contest to Lebron. Some say that Brown should have won it outright. Also, Brown and Lebron both shared MVP honors at the Jordan Classic.

In my opinion, while Shannon Brown looked like he could handle playing the point in Vegas I don't think he will play it in the NBA. I have seen him on numerous occasions bring the ball up at MSU. He can do the job. But he doesn't always make the best decision on the court. He is a phenomenal athlete though. A true highlight-film waiting to happen on the fastbreaks, he is just as likely to rise up and dunk on the defense in a half-court setting. An on-target shooter with a high-rising jumper and pretty form. A capable ball handler despite not having to play the point guard spot in high school and college. But sometimes makes poor decisions when handling the ball. He is a solid defender when he sets his mind to shutting down his opponent. He is an exciting player with supreme athletic gifts. With his athleticism coupled with very large hands, bigger than his 6'9" teammates, and long arms, he has the tools to dominate.

I believe he will replace and exceed the performance by Flip Murray last year. Maybe Mike Brown in the later part of the season might move Larry to the point and let Brown play the two. This will give the cavs 3 very capable ball handlers with EXTREME altheticism! Scary to any team in the NBA. Brown is going to prove to be one of the biggest pick-ups in recent years.

Ry Guy
GO STATE!

The Dart Player...Your Next World Class Athlete

2006-07-19T16:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes this world amazes me. Apparently "The Worldwide Leader" is trying to force another sport down our mouths. They tried to do it with the WNBA, but failed to really gain mainstream popularity because, well, the mainstream isn't butch lesbians who love watching 7 foot tall women miss layups all game. "Fundamental basketball" they called it, and if this is what they call fundamental, I will happily take Ricky Davis missing a layup, on his own hoop to get a trip dub. Anyways...The World Series of Darts is desperately trying to become the next "Sport that isn't a sport at all but will be debated by degenerates on TV on if it is a sport of not". It will follow the television phenomenon and try to emulate the success that was The World Series of Poker.

Great.

Thats what I need, more hype over fat, bearded, men playing some game and taking it way to seriously. I mean darts, a game that I can only play in a bat while drinking. Usually it digresses into just getting drunk and throwing the darts from 25ft of more, usually from some ridiculous angle, and dangerously close to my friends unsuspecting heads. I guess that makes me an "athlete"

Don't get me wrong, I like playing poker with friends or on the internet. But just I do not care what you say, any activity that can be played and is played mainly in a place like this place
played by people like this. Probably cannot be considered a soprt. And I dont care what ESPN tries to tell me about this being the "next big thing". I just don't buy it. Why you mas ask? Because it's fucking stupid that why. Whats next, the World Series of this other popular bar "sport".

Then again, I think I know a couple of people who will actually wanna see that.

Twa

Drew Gooden or Ray Nagin (Mayor of New Orleans)

2006-07-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

Well, slap my ass and call me Sally. Their mother was a whore.

If these two very similar specimens had their way, America would be covered with chocolate people. And they would get paid 60 million of 6 years. Unfortunately they will get neither.

Ry Guy

Text Messaging Etiquette

2006-07-19T09:27:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by saying that I have about 4 years of text messaging under my belt. You might also say I have the quickest thumbs in Northeast, Ohio while on the phone board. I talk to several different friends via text messaging. Some that are scattered around the United States. But last week I received a picture text message that might have changed my life forever.

It started out as a normal business day. Around 11:00pm my friend sent me a picture message of his turd in the toilet. I was first overwhelmed with shock and disguise. Let me go a little further into detail about this piece of poop. First, this log wasn’t floating. It was sunk to the bottom like the titanic. This baby obviously had some heft to it. It was kind of like the game Battleship. Someone just called out G12 and sunk your battleship to the bottom of the Pacific. But in this case it wasn’t a battleship but a poop rod. All and all there was nothing specifically special about this freshly baked loaf.

I told my friends that this was thee cardinal sin of texting. No pooping and shooting! He seemed to disagree and thought it was humors. He also mentioned that I should take it as a complement. He thought of me right when that baby splashed down. Maybe one of the highest of pooping honors.

Should I be proud? Should I be sad? Should I be glad, or mad? A lifelong question that might never be answered.

Ry Guy

The Cleveland Indians Really Suck

2006-07-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

This team really pisses me off. With all the offense on this team: Hafner, Sizemore, V-Mart, etc they should be able to steamroll over every teams and their pitching. The Tribe has some of the best young talent in the league, and was a preseason pick to at least take the Wild Card. Now look at them, after last nights embarrassing loss to the Angels of South California Anaheim Los Angeles Area (Again) they are an amazing 21 games back of the AL Central Leading Detroit Tigers. I mean Detroit, in 1st place, by 21 games.

This team has been screwed by horrible starting pitching, and defense that has been worse than a drunk co-ed getting hit on at a frat party. The owner of this team is a complete fucking joke, selling off talent at a record setting pace. This team got so far and so close last year for them to be 21 games back on July 19th, is a joke. A complete fucking joke.

I cannot watch this team anymore, they are a joke, and so is the owner. Dolan you said you would spend when this team was a competitor, well they were there and you now messed it up! Thanks buddy

-Twa

D Jones - Why the cavs have to keep him!

2006-07-18T15:15:00.000-05:00

I know what you are thinking. Why would you want to keep D Jones on the cavs? He cant defend, he is a one dimensional player, and he didn't shoot well last year. The one good thing he did was nail that jumper against Washington in game 6. But that is not why D Jones has to stay a cav.

D Jones is the most famous, non-famous person in the NBA. I mean not every run-of-the-mill basketball player can have their own shoes made by Li-Ning Sporting Goods. Who and what is Li-Ning Sporting Goods? Beats me! Sounds like a local Chinese dish I get at PeKing Chinese restaurant.

Not only does D Jones have his own shoes, but he makes the celebrity appearances. For instance he went to the NBA all-star game but didn't have any real reason to be there. He just wore a crazy coat and sunglasses and soaked up the stardom. But his best appearance to date was at the ESPY's this following week. I was watching the program for 30 minutes and noticed faces like; Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Jerome Bettis, and Shaun Alexander. Then I see a clip of Damon Jones back stage. I mean what the fuck was he doing there? I literally started laughing to myself.

From that moment on, Damon Jones wasn't just my favorite famous, non-famous person but a new found role model.

RY GUY

Heres to Cardnial Blogger...

2006-07-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

First real post of the evening. So im watching ESPN or as I call it "The worldwide leader", what it is the worldwide leader of, we will get into at later date. All I could think of was that I really hate Chris Berhman. Thats right, this giant bag of douche. When this guy talks on air, in one of his self rightous rants on why he is the moral center of the universe, or when he is so ungraciously stealing the spotlight from the likes of Scott Van Pelt, it makes me want to go on a murderous spree. I'm not kidding, I wanna be the guy in the beginning of the Wu Tang song where they describe Method Man doing violent acts to a guy "I'm gonna put your nuts just your nuts on the top of a dresser and bang them shits with a spiked bat...BUWAAAAA" In retrospect that would be 100 times less painful, and at least in a twisted sense, rewarding. Honestly, the fact that he has a job still makes me think that 1) he gives great oral to the ESPN front office or 1A) he does, in fact swallow. How much do you think some of the new guys on ESPN hate him, SVP really hates him, Neil Everett told me he wants to tar dip Kris B (thats what he calls him) in hot sauce and feed him to David Wells. True Story*. It's too bad, someone told me he once was the staple of the network and he supported the new station in its infantancy. He was once the largest name of sports on the television. That guy was an idiot.
-Twa
*May not be true

Welcome to All Things Idiotic

2006-07-17T19:25:00.000-05:00

This is my first blog post, so I thought this would be a good chance to introduce myself. My name is Matt Monastra and im coming to you from Cleveland , Ohio. And we can save all the mistake by the lake jokes for another blogger. This one has heard em 100 times and they still arent funny. Here at ATI im gonna touch on a wide range of topics from sports, to movies, to polictics, all the way to random idiotic things that come across my random brain. So I hope you enjoy, this is my first blog, so please be patient while I figure this whole information superhighway things out.

Twa